Day 13: Recalibrating

Wednesday

Summer Solstice

Moon in Cancer

Confession:

I wish I could just rip my heart out sometimes. Strangely over the past few weeks I have had a lot of  guys quite randomly telling me that they hope I know I’m beautiful or special (of course this only happens when you are with someone else) —-I don’t say this to sound all narcissistic—but it is part of a larger theme I have been thinking about. Honestly most of my life I was invisible and got zero feedback, so if anything I am astonished if someone comes up to me to remark on such things. It’s ironic that I am getting hit on more in my forties than in my youth. My South Node in Leo certainly loves the attention for a minute but the truth is that when you’re in love, you really only care if one person feels that way about you. Amazing. This is what I have been contemplating a lot over the past few weeks.

I’m really working on using the fixed, passionate and very concentrated part of my nature exclusively for the creative powers it engenders: positive potential of Scorpio: like healing—- rather than becoming possessed by the destructive powers of the fixed water: attachment, expectations, and worry over the outcome. I have come a long way but alas the unconscious agendas have the powers to seize us at any moment. I have so many friends, male and female that I’m actually quite madly in love with and with whom I have created deep and lasting bonds. This makes my North Node in Aquarius very happy. 

Gemini is the sign that transforms Scorpio—and thus the more I disperse my intensity and increase my curiosity about many people, places and things:  the more I am able to access the creative powers of the Scorpio.

**addendum: after writing this—an hour later I was listening to my (Gemini) boyfriend’s webinar discussing— Gemini and Scorpio and he talks about how Gemini transforms Scorpio because of its unpredictable nature. Scorpio invests a lot of feeling and thus fears that the Gemini will just up and fly away—drop the entire relationship at any moment without warning. It’s like Amma saying that we need to live like a bird on the branch of a tree—ready for it to break at any moment… but this is so hard in relationships—well, especially if you’re a Scorpio… but I’m learning and determined to master this even if it kills me—-which of course it will.

Body

Yoga

Iced Coffee

Chipotle Chia Chips

Raw Taco Dip

Rasberries

Structure:

Wake up at 8am

Mysore practice

Long walk through Soho

Sessions

Did healing on Gad and he did my hair (the photo above is from his lovely townhouse—the gold room—my favorite room)

Spent the entire evening with one of my favorite healers: Laurie Schwartz until way into the wee hours.

We did a trade and she really helped me to unfreeze some deep wounds/anger/fear that had been storing up in my bones.

Omen: This category has sadly gone out the window.. this tells me something.

Relinquish: the insane hope that the consistency i crave can ever be found in a relationship. Only I can provide it for myself.

Inspiration: The Subtle Body