(P40: 28:::Venus Rx: 40 Days of Love, Money and Magic starts July 25th
Relationships are here to bring everything up. Growth is like this. Growth is messy. If there’s a place in you that could get angry, the relationship is there to bring it up. See it’s easy to be forgiving if you’re not pissed off--it’s easy to be forgiving if they’re not doing anything you don’t like. Forgiveness is about someone confronting you in an area where you don’t like the confrontation.-Williamson
Venus Retrogrades are the whole 40 days and 40 nights in the desert of apparent "lovelessness" or abandonment. Sometimes we cannot find beauty or sweetness in anything external so the world feels barren and bitter. Sometimes we just want to give up on the whole romantic insanity altogether! Sometimes going it alone looks awfully damn appealing. It all depends on how we do with "mirroring." Do we like what our relationships have been showing us?
I was born under a Venus Retrograde and it wasn't until I turned 40 that I actually started to understand the challenges and karmic implications involved with this placement. Now I have a better appreciation for the transit and how it loves to induce any hidden or internalized "uglies". So many clients have come to me over the years with a litany of fears, anger, complaints and self-hate statements about their bodies, attractiveness and overall fear of never being loved again. Think of Venus Retrogrades as an imposed cosmic retreat to show you all of the ways you need to love yourself harder, better and braver. Yes, sometimes this means taking a break from relationships in order to heal more deeply within. Sometimes it happens in the throes of negotiating the delicate partner terrain. Either way, the goal is deeper authenticity, beauty and love for self and thus others. The famous: can't love another if you don't love yourself ...could easily be the eternal Venus Rx motto. Yet, relationships can bring us into deeper self-love if each continue to own their part, their 50% of the dynamic and continue the individual work to strengthen their contribution. If we avoid relationships altogether we're just avoiding the mirror.
Some of the best relationships are where you’re going: “I hate this, I hate this, I hate this” and the gods are up there going: “Oh, this is really good.”--Williamson
Why is it such a struggle to see our own beauty without external reflection and validation? If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear… The modern version is a world obsessed with camera phones, selfies, and “like” buttons. The truth is because we often did not feel seen or heard as a child. It’s challenging in this extroverted world to not turn to outer mirrors in order to feel gorgeous, irresistible, desirable, wanted. How much of our value hinges on external applause, reassurance and acceptance—often through our most intimate relationships? But if these relationships are simply a mirror of how we feel about ourselves, perhaps it’s time to look within and think again. Where are we still hiding from ourselves? Where do we fail to forgive ourselves?
Getting back to Venus and the concept of mirrors: I will share a short personal story of my own natal Venus Rx. Suffice it to say my 12th house Venus RX grew up terrified of being seen. It didn’t help that I was super short and bony and constantly ridiculed for my size. I never had a moment of feeling even remotely attractive until I started dating and fell in love with a rock star at age sixteen. Herein is where all of the trouble began. I encountered the first Venus mirror that said “you are beautiful”—-but it was outside, contingent on the love, desire and affection of this guy that I projected all my power on. I share this because we all have a close rendition somewhere in our past. It also didn’t help that I got my heart shattered in a thousand pieces when I realized this guy was never going to be loyal or faithful to me. Obviously there are even earlier roots, but you get the gist of how these Venus stories play out. We look for the proof of our worth in the eyes, compliments or embrace of another. This “other” of course has to be someone we have deemed beautiful for the reflection to work. This is why we go desperately in search of our next romantic relationship until we realize we’re really just trying to fall in love with ourselves.
I would just ask each of you to think about that for a minute and ask yourself who was able to hold presence for you as a child? Who saw you? Who heard you? Did you have a teacher that could hold presence for you? Was there anyone where you could be totally yourself ?-WoodmanWhat meaning does life have without love?
What meaning does it have if nobody has ever seen you?
These early scars linger and no matter how clever we’ve become at denying that they exist, they are just waiting for the next experience of loss or rejection to rear their pretty head. Venus in Leo square Saturn in Scorpio is not about to let us off the hook.
When you give your relationship to God:every inauthentic place within you, every trip, every hidden agenda, everything that’s controlling, everything that’s manipulative; any place where you try to play small; any place where you try to get rather than give; or any place where you play weak and powerless will be shown you in three-dimensional neon.--Williamson
Sure we can try covering up the inner abandonment hollow with more work, food, sex, alcohol, infatuation, drugs, Internet etc. But the wounds will just continue to swap addictions until we get to the heart of the insecurity and original vacancy. Venus Rx to the rescue. Abandonment or Rejection complex anyone? We’ve all got ‘em regardless of money, fame, success etc. At the heart of our deepest insecurity is death. We were born alone and we will die alone. You know, that nagging “is that all there is” feeling that haunts you in the dark, cold of the night—that’s the hardcore truth of our existential anxiety. What we're desperately craving is a deeper relationship with our own wholeness, our connection to source, God, Love--whatever you want to call it.
The idea of the special relationship is the idea that there is one person that is going to save us and make everything alright. But rather than looking for this one person that is going to save you--you have a love affair with the universe, and you realize that your love of any one person really isn’t about that person--your love is really about what’s inside of you. It’s all about work on you.-Williamson
Whether we realize it or not: we constantly create an unconscious projection field that others conveniently step into in order to perfectly reenact scenes and reincarnate figures from our past. We are constantly living out our unconscious expectations and fears under the delusion that something is “happening” or not “happening” to us from the outside. This is specifically the kind of psychological fodder that the darling Venus Retrograde insists on dredging up. If we're willing to let go and realize relationships are the place where we all tend to be the most neurotic, there is a very good chance we will uncover some profound insights about the way we connect and disconnect to ourselves.The reason we’re brought into relationships is for mutual forgiveness.A lot of people think that what’s supposed to happen in romance is that nobody does anything wrong. When somebody does step out of line—it’s usually the other person’s excuse to go away. And in the holy relationship—(special relationship transformed): we recognize that we were brought together so our stuff could come up. That’s why it is happening. The fact that this person drives me crazy is why we were brought together and it’s not always going to be easy. If you’re stuff is brought up and it is forgiven by someone, that’s how you’re healed.
This particular Venus Rx is likely to bring a potent reunion with shadows, jealousies, power plays, insecurities and toxic patterns. Considering the 3 conjunctions with Jupiter and squares to Saturn, you can expect a one-way transformation in the realm of relationships and money. Once conscious you can never return to the Garden ... or the Underworld... depending on where your Venus likes to play. Karmic patterns have been severed, we have to wake up and surrender any lingering co-dependent patterns to something higher if we are to ever feel whole and healed.
As Venus goes direct on September 6th , the question is how do we want to move forward with new awareness? How do we bring more integrity into our relationships with love and money? It’s time to pave new ground with enough self-love to sustain us through any future storms.
It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not." -- André GideWhether you’re in a new relationship, navigating an existing one or preparing for your next duo, this is the time to get clear about what you are saying yes and no to when it comes to partnering. What are the rules, deal breakers and necessary boundaries you need to make your relationships solid?
Amma has said: two of the essential ingredients to a stable, high-road relationship are patience and forgiveness. The question to ask now that Venus is direct is: is your love strong enough? How much are you willing to endure and work on in order to bring the darkness to light in your intimate encounters?
Saturn in Scorpio (squaring this Venus Retrograde) symbolizes the hard work necessary to build something lasting. As long as we value the relationship, we will put in the effort required to overcome all the obstacles and challenges that inevitably arise in the merger of two individual personalities. If we don’t see the value in the long-term potential, chances are we will cut our losses and save our precious time and energy for someone or something we deem more worthwhile.
The danger here is the illusion that by changing partners we can somehow break the pattern when in reality the saying goes, “swap the partner, keep the problem.” In that case, it might be better to take enough time to break the pattern internally before embarking on a new tryst.
Ultimately, the point now is to march forward with the new insights firmly under your belt rather than turn a blind eye to what you've just revisited. There's a cosmic reason as to why we repeat lessons!
For the support and magic to help you transform your Venus issues, join us for the next P40:::28: Venus Rx: 40 Days of Love, Money and Magic ...starting on July 25th.
