Annually in NYC, under the Cancer stars is the famous Devi Bhava. This is the night when our beloved Ammachi, incarnation of the Divine Mother ( aka the "hugging saint" if you're watching CNN) reveals her form as Devi. It is said that she removes several layers of "veils" so we can experience more of her Maha Shakti powers. For fourteen plus hours Amma sits, hugs, blesses, takes on karma, heals disease, transmits shakti, and runs world-wide charitable mega-operations. There are no signs of fatigue, no drops in energy and no bathroom breaks. The Goddess really does have at least ten arms!
What I learned at Devi Bhava Summer Camp:
Keep going. Amma is tireless. The music goes on, the selfless service of devotees go on and on and on, the snacks and chai go on, the packing and unpacking of the Tulsi plants go on and on, the chanting of the thousand names seems to go on and on forever until every negative thought I've ever had makes an appearance, the clean-up of flower petals goes on and on, but at the end of the day what's most amazing is the undeniable flow of the river of love of the Divine Mother that just goes on and on.
So many times in life as in trying to make it through a fourteen hour Devi Bhava night, the mind tries to wrangle us into quitting, giving up, digressing, or opting for the nearest distraction. The lazy default button lures us off track. The quest for comfort . It's not healthy to stay up all night--my neck hurts--I have things to do--deadlines loom--I need my rest-I could be checking Facebook--I don't want to get sick--I need a good night's rest-these people are nuts--so much pushing and shoving--I just need to be alone.
But on those rare occasions when one gets beyond the mind, that like water flows downward (as Amma says)--there we might tap into the Grace, the infinite power within, if even for a millisecond--and suddenly we get that "second wind."
I've thrown in the towel halfway through many Devi Bhavas for all the above mentioned complaints of my mind that convinced me there was no need to wait it out until the end. But tonight the energy was exceptionally sweet and potent. So much so that I can't even call it a battle in which my higher self won. It felt more like being fed constant sugar without the crash. The sweetness and the energy just kept going and twenty hours without even one second of nodding off (a record for me at Devi Bhava), still keeps going!
And to think back to seven pm last night, when I arrived and had to stand outside for an hour in the sauna that has become NYC. I tantrum-text-threatened my friend that I was going to go home if they didn't let me in soon--she was enjoying the cool A/C balcony seating while I was melting in the heat. The injustice against late arrivals! Ha! And all I got was Holy Water (!) while waiting. The ego is ridiculous! I guessed correctly that Amma would be wearing a gold sari so at least my psychic abilities were intact to keep my ego momentarily pre-occupied.
Devi Bhava's are truly magical in ways that you probably would not believe unless you have experienced one in its entirety. For starters, anyone you've ever had unresolved karma with that lives within reachable distance to the vicinity will show up in your face during a Devi Bhava. But you'll also be made to realize that you do in fact have a spiritual family, or people you share similar values and goals with in the present--people you actually chose to consciously work things out with and enjoy spending time with versus obligation. Devi will make sure that you all end up sitting together before the night is through. Case in point: tonight as I was deep in meditation on the stage to Amma's right, I opened my eyes to notice that on either side of me were two very important karmic relationships. Of all the thousands of the people in Manhattan Center vying to sit close to Amma at any given moment, there they were. You'd have to see that the odds of ending up on the stage together, next to each other right in front of Amma at the exact same time would take short of a miracle with all of the red-tape it takes just to sit on the stage near Kali in the first place. All of our jaws dropped when we realized the perfect alignment of what happened. And these kind of "synchronistic" moments are constant around Amma.
And finally the finale of Devi Bhava when Amma stands on the edge of the stage cradling heaps of flower petals in her arms while looking deeply into each and every person's soul. Like most things with Amma, you have to see it to believe it. Mathematically, logically it would seem impossible considering the time to person ration in the room--but ask anyone in the room and they will tell you that she looked deeply right into their eyes at least once in the span of those few minutes. Ominpotent, Omniscient and Omnipresent--Jai Jai Kali Ma!
Utterly convinced that the magical grace of Devi was endless --I decided to take the subway for a change, certain that my utter bliss would save me from the normal torture of mass transportation. I hopped right on to the E train as it perfectly arrived at the moment I swiped my Metro Card--check--grace still flowing! But then boom...all movement stops, the scary garbled message comes over the loudspeaker that there will be significant delays due to signal trouble, the A/C is cut off, and then some weird subway alarm sounds go off. Twenty minutes feel like an eternity when you're trapped underground without a/c in close to one hundred degree temps under hot florescent lighting with sweaty morning commuters desperately looking for makeshift fans and trying to conceal their inner brink of pandemonium. I go into instant worst-case scenario- terrorism-or walking through burning hell subway tunnel trauma. Oh ye of little faith! Right back into the mind, the panic, the doubt, the need to control. While the other Amma devotees seem clearly unaffected, reveling in what they will do with their flower petals, I joined the other passengers in the collective panic and preparation for the inevitable fact that we will of course die in this very subway car in the next few minutes. The Amma devotees looked askance at my obvious lack of faith as I flew out the door the minute we hit 24th street. Call it lack of faith or claustrophobia-- surrender is easier in theory than practice.
So I trekked the remaining twelve blocks in the sweltering 9 am temps with my java chip frappuccino arsenal in tow, not a wink of sleep but still high on Kali Bhava. How easy it is to forget and how difficult to trust-- that everything: the incredible unconditional love, beauty and endless shakti--AND-- the trial of being trapped in the heat our own self-created underground drama is Kali's prasad. Everything, all of it is the prasad of the Divine Mother. The irony is that one of my favorite lines from a Rilke poem is "Let everything happen to you-the beauty and the terror" --and yet the fight against the terror continues. Perhaps this upcoming New Moon in Cancer Solar eclipse is a lesson in getting rid of any petty notions of security and control in a world of vast emotions and outcomes-- and work on holding space for all of our feelings, not just the comfortable ones. Isn't that what being a good Ma to ourselves is all about?
